The Essence of Selflessness
With time it seems that life changes before our eyes but until we really open our hearts the changes can go unnoticed. It is beyond challenging for me to grasp that I have been in Uganda for 6 months now, living this life of pure beauty. It seems that my heart, my soul, and my way of life has blossomed beyond anything I could have ever expected. The people I have met, the places I have gone, the experiences I have encountered, and the roads I traveled have become alive within me. I believe this mission came to me when I was very young to live some of my life in Uganda; it was a calling in which I was destined to respond. At times I find it difficult to put into words the new perspectives I have gained, the lessons I have learned, the feeling of the Lake breeze, the warmth of the Ugandan sun, the blanket of the stars, and even the tangible embrace of life itself. I have never felt so alive. I truly feel that life is of its own essence that we are here day in and day out with the Grace of the Lord to inhale the goodness in which we prosper and to exhale the challenges in which we may encounter.
This past weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the final vows of 5 professing young men to join the Holy Cross Congregation and the ordination of 4 of the young men into their new chapter of being Deacons. I cannot fully explain the feelings that accompanied me throughout those couple of days. Watching these young men make such a profession of faith to always put others first, to take a vow to live a life of poverty, and to promise to always uphold the mission of giving whatever they may have to offer to anyone who is in need filled me. The inspiration of being completely selfless touched the depth of my soul; to live a life of pure selflessness is the way of life in which I encourage myself to lead, however it seems to be much easier said than done. But we too can give to one another, we can let go of the things in which we think we want and instead provide for the ones who truly are in need of our assistance.
My personal life has become more real, in a sense that I feel completely present in every happening throughout the day. Not just going through the motions of a day to day routine, of the “same old same old” but sincerely squeezing the juice out of every moment of every day. I have tried to implement the idea of looking outside of myself, placing myself in others shoes to try and see how they see me. Being human we tend to have the capability of becoming lost in our own image, in how perceive ourselves, and we forget to walk in our neighbor’s shoes from time to time. For me, my life here is a journey in which I will continue to live forever in Uganda and forever in my heart. For others, my journey has become a part of their lives. These people who I have met, who I have become close to, who I have blessed to be friends and sisters with have let me in to their lives, to their homes, and to their hearts. It’s important that we remember that it isn’t always about ourselves; it’s about being together, living together, and working together as one. ONE LOVE.
These last few weeks of visiting the Jaaja’s (Grandmother’s) in Ntiankalu have been overwhelmingly authentic. I am no longer a visitor; I am a part of their lives. I am no longer Tereza the mzungu, I am a member of their group. Listening to them discuss who will take care of the goats, who will take care of the pigs, who will be the chairperson of our new project of the table mat making, how much money they will contribute to their village savings bank, etc…this is a very real and determined group of women and I cannot say I have had any impact in their approach to self-sustaining their own programme. I simply am present, supportive, and available.
As time scurries on, I too find myself scrambling around for time. I feel there is so much that I need to do, that I need to say, that I need to implement. The anxiety of the feeling of never having a enough time seems to overcome me…I find myself wanting to work all day and stay up all night just to try and accomplish the tasks in which I feel could be of some use to someone somewhere…but then I have to remind myself, that we have been given so much time in one day because there is only so much we can do, as hard as that is to accept, I must. We have to organize, we have to plan, and we have to be reliant in whatever it is that we are trying to accomplish. However, we must keep in mind also, that we are merely on this earth for some short time and throughout our busy days we have to take the time to slow down, to enjoy the beauty in the fact that we cannot always accomplish everything on our list of “to-dos.” That day in and day out we don’t always have to have a check list of things that we must do, but to keep our lives open so that our destiny can take us to better places than we ourselves could have tried to reach.
I have become good friends with a Seminarian here who seems to always want to have a set programme, and as he is new to Uganda, he too will figure out that life here is on a different timetable…a different approach….a different agenda. In Uganda or at least in my Ugandan life I have realized that we cannot always expect to keep time, to reach the places in which we were expecting to go, or to see the people in which we were hoping to meet that day. It’s possible that the lifestyle will forever impact my approach to life regardless of where I am…when things don’t go the way they had been originally planned it’s not personal, it’s not an insult, it’s not purposeful…that’s just it, it’s the way of life here, and I find that seems to fit me so well…that sure having a plan can be beautiful, having expectations can sometimes be a priority, but in the larger picture of this opportunity to LIVE I have found and now thoroughly believe it’s more important to be open to what unexpected gifts may come my way, to encompass the bumps in the road in which nearly can overturn my entire programme, to be loyal to my faith, and express my feelings/opinions from the wholesomeness of my heart.
I will soon be updating you all on the upcoming events I have planned for when I am visiting my home country, in the meantime please consider supporting Lazarus Community and offering your prayers so that we can continue to strive to be self-sustaining.
May blessings surround you always,
Mbagaliza emirembe,
Anne Therese
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