Love Reaches Out: November 2011

I’ve been wanderin’

I’ve been wonderin’

Nearly every day for the last two weeks I have had “update blog site” on my list to do and at the end of the day that little box remained unmarked. My excuse is that I have been traveling, taking care of a sick friend who had +++malaria, which means she was very very ill, trying to catch up on work, taking some time to rest my bones, and preparing myself to say goodbye to three of my close friends who are all leaving within two and half weeks of each other. The reality of me neglecting the blog site for the most part is because I have had so many experiences, ups and downs, and literally too much going on in my mind that I still cannot seem to collect all of my thoughts to put them into words; however, after a lovely Thanksgiving celebration I decided that now is a good a time as any.

So where to begin; two weeks ago I left from Kampala with four dear friends in the morning to head to our weekend of bliss at Lake Bunyonyi near Kabale, Uganda. The trip took nearly nine hours but was worth it. When we arrived in the town of Kabale we took a “special hire” aka taxi driver to the edge of the lake where we waited for our small motor boat to come pick us and motor us to our island where we stayed for three nights. The surroundings were stunning; it was if I had found myself enveloped in between beautiful green hills, peaceful flowing water, and under the sky of perfection. Needless to say, it was breathtaking.

While we stayed there on the island for a few days we canoed around our island, drank free tea all day long, had noteworthy conversations, got lost in thought walking around the island, played cards and had a few cocktails, ate wonderful food, and stamped our minds with lifelong memories. However, my friend fell ill and had to be admitted to the clinic. She was delirious, exhausted, and literally sleeping all day and night. Staying there in that clinic with her for nearly two days after the rest of our crew left for Kampala I found myself feeling very alone. I have never sincerely had to care for someone in that way “24/7” before and I now I feel I have a competent understanding of what it may feel to be a mother in some way. Regardless, to all mother’s out there, I’m not so sure how you do it day in and day out. Trying to feed someone, change them, help them to the loo, talk with doctors, make phone calls, sleep on the floor, fight off insects and bugs, eh, it became overwhelming. However, after we got back to Kampala and remained in their clinic for some days she was finally discharged. We took her back to her “home” where I stayed with her for another two days to help her stabilize her groundings. I believe I am still learning from that experience and there is no doubt in my mind that it will forever be with me.

After returning to my home in Wanyange, I slept and even for me it took a day or two to find my niche again in my life here. This entire month just seems to be one thing after the other. As I mentioned before three of my dear friends are all leaving within two and half weeks of each other and I’m not sure if it’s this way for you but for me, preparing to say “fare the well” to someone is hard enough, but three people?! I’m exhausted. It seems I tried to spend as much time as I could these last couple of days with my friend who left yesterday and I know that this coming week I will be doing the same thing traveling back and forth from Jinja to Kampala to soak in as much of my other two friends’ presence in Uganda as I am able to before they both leave next week. For me, it seems I like to prepare myself for such events and honestly, I haven’t done so as much as I believe I should have even now. Andy (who left yesterday), Liz (who leaves Dec. 1) and Matt (who leaves Dec. 3) have sincerely made my time here bearable when I thought I wouldn’t make it through, they’ve enlightened me with their perspectives, and they have offered me friendships that I are embedded on my heart. Of course we say, “it’s not goodbye” but the lives we lead here together will be entirely different once we find each other in the US (or UK) again and that is something I am not sure I will ever be able to prepare myself for; in the meantime while they are finding their way back in the UK and the US I will be missing them terribly here in UG.

It’s hard for me to believe that yesterday was Thanksgiving. We actually celebrated here with about 20 people and it was beautiful. My friend Mark who is a visiting seminarian from Notre Dame, IN with the Holy Cross Congregation put together a wonderful programme for us all. I even found myself helping him do the shopping and the prep (along with other helping hands) in the kitchen yesterday. Who knew that I could make green bean casserole? I never would’ve known, however, let me be honest it was NO WHERE near as delicious as my Mother’s.

All day yesterday we were busy preparing, laughing, singing, chopping, boiling, setting, etc. that the thought of missing Thanksgiving at home was somehow doable. After all was set and the turkey was sliced, I looked around me and there I found myself surrounded by people I never knew existed, a new family, a new circle of friends and there we were together a mixture of Americans and Ugandans…it was beautiful. However, as we made a toast and shared our delicious meal my heart was tugging; I was missing home. For me, I’ve never been away from home during this Holiday season and I have a feeling that once Christmas rolls around (which let’s face it, it’ll be sooner than we are willing to accept) I will truly feel myself questioning different things.

All of these different thoughts keep coming and going, challenges that I’ve faced with progressing with Lazarus Community, new projects that are coming my way whether I am truly prepared for them or not…it’s been somehow a perplexing month for me yet I found myself trying to count my blessings yesterday and I couldn’t simply because there are too many to count.

I have been blessed beyond imaginable.

With the phenomenal technology of today I was able to skype with my family, even my cousins, aunts, and uncles, and neice yesterday and I felt as if I was there…I felt as if I were sitting on the table as the center piece actually as I knew I was placed in the middle of the table, I felt blessed. When I look out my window and see the Ugandan passerby’s, hear the cocks crow, the birds chirp, the cool breeze of the rain season chill me, I feel blessed. Recognizing that not everyone has the chance to partake in such experiences and travels as I have, I feel blessed. When I hear about people from home supporting Lazarus Community and my mission, I feel blessed. When I look at pictures of where I have been, what I have done and who I have met, I feel blessed. When I think of all of you who take the time to keep updated with my journey here, I feel blessed. When I wake up in the morning, I feel blessed. When I can drink clean water and take a shower, I feel blessed. When there is food on the table (even if sometimes it is just bread) I feel blessed. When I know I have the means to make it to tomorrow, I feel blessed. When I have made such good friends that my heart aches at the thought of saying goodbye to them, I feel blessed. After seeing how sick one can be and I am in good health, I feel blessed. When I have a roof over my head, I feel blessed. When I think about the education that I have received, I feel blessed. When I realize that I am able to think far enough in advance about the “next step” I feel blessed. When I recognize how many people love me and support me, I am blessed. When I think about my family, I am blessed. When I think about my friends, I am blessed. I am blessed and I am THANKFUL. The list goes on and on and sometimes I simply have to write these things down or reflect on how blessed I truly am so that I can return to the thoughts of my mission and the reason I am here rather than the poses thoughts of why I am not somewhere else.

At times I find my mind wandering off in different directions though perhaps wondering about some other life I could be leading, or the life I will lead after this one here in Uganda. I feel that my lifetime spent here will guide me throughout the rest of my life I will lead. One thing I have discovered about myself is that I am fickle and at times I am not pleased with myself for being such. Then I turn it into a positive and think to myself perhaps I am fickle because I have been working on being open hearted and open minded that I feel that I could take on or try new things, delve into new projects, become a part of a new team, expand my horizons…I could go here or I could go there, I could do this or I could do that…talk about blessings…one thing I do know for certain is that I do not want to rush through my time here as I have mentioned plenty of times before, however, I do want to prepare myself for what else it out there.

I’m all about preparing…well preparing myself to be prepared for the unknown as best as I can.

As for Lazarus Community, the women of Ntinkalu and Nakasadhere are the reason I am still here. They have something for me, they have a place for me, they have a certain drive about them that makes me want to be a better person each time I meet with them. The women are working diligently and the success of the hard work is apparent through the success we have seen at home at different events where my Mother and Father have been our number one advocates. The longer I am here the more possible the idea of truly sustaining Lazarus Community comes to life. In these early stages it is beyond important to be here on the ground but when the time comes (which is somehow inevitable to some extent) when I will be leaving Uganda for some time Lazarus Community will be stable enough to maintain our connection and our relationship as colleagues.

I pray that you all have taken the time to recognize your blessings and that you were able to celebrate a beautiful holiday of giving thanks and spending time with your loved ones. I am blessed. I am thankful. And I know I could not be here without your encouragement and support. Thank you for being as dedicated as you have been and the next time I wander or wonder off I will bring you with me as I will take the time to find the words.

Much love to you all,

Anne Therese

Some snaps of my current adventures