Awake My Soul

I’ve been traveling…

Check in time was 10:30pm and by 11:15pm on Thursday May 19^th I was on my way to Kigali, Rwanda.  The coach was full of passengers who all of have their own story as I have mine, and the excitement of traveling to a country  that I have always wanted to visit was flooding my thoughts with excitement.  We reached the Uganda/Rwanda border around 5:30am and surprisingly the process was quite simple.  We got off the bus in Uganda and walked across the border in the damp early morning to fill out visitor passes and have our passports checked; crossing the border from one country to the next is definitely a humbling experience but it felt so surreal.  After checking and processing what was entering the country, less than one hour later we were on our way.

With my first glimpse of Rwanda, I instantly fell in love.  The sky was still a bit hazy as we reached there around 7am, misty fog lifting from the earth hovering the great hills and valleys right before my eyes.  I was somehow overcome with the previous thoughts and notions that I have learned about regarding the Rwandan Genocide which took place in 1994 where an estimated 800,000 men, women, and children were viciously murdered.  Even though the scenery was breathtaking I couldn’t help but envision what it was like during that time…people hiding, running, and struggling to survive the mass evil which had taken over the souls of those condemning others.  Then suddenly the sun appeared, the sky was blue, the clouds fluffy and white, my trembling ceased, and I saw the country’s beauty instead of its darkness.

As some people say, first impressions are everything…my first impression of Rwanda was awe.  Throughout the night my internet modem had slipped from my purse and as we pulled into the bus park people were filing out of the coach and as I was frantically looking for this thing, four Rwandans came to help me search…after just a couple minutes, I said, “no worries, it is okay…” and the conductor said, “no, please, just keep looking…” and moments later he had found it for me!

“Just keep looking,” could not have been a better lesson to learn that early morning.

The instant my feet hit the ground I realized first how clean the city was and how fresh the air seemed, it was truly wonderful.  Thirty minutes later our friend Damian met us (Matt and I) and we walked through the city to find a small café where we enjoyed black tea, bread, and eggs.  Everything about this place already seemed so different than Uganda…the mutatu’s ( 14 passenger taxi vans) were much nicer, the moto (same as boda in Uganda, which is a motorcycle taxi) allows only one person to a moto (where as in Uganda you can board two passengers) and a helmet is required (which is not the case in UG).  After breakfast, the three of us boarded our own moto and headed to Gatenga, a Salesian Community where we would stay for the weekend.  Watching the three of us zip in, out, and around traffic, we realized that we somehow looked like a biker gang and got a pretty good kick out of that…meanwhile, the ride was a little less than 10 minutes and just seeing the city from that seat with the wind in my hair, ah, it was incredible.  Kigali has medians down the center of the roads, lined with palm trees and flowers, there are sidewalks (which are not present in most of Uganda), and even bus stops.  Rwanda really has it together in a different sense than Uganda seems to (but don’t get me wrong…I still love Uganda!)   

When we arrived at Gatenga we dropped our belongings off at where we would be sleeping and Kyle, our host and good friend of Damian and Matt (an SLM volunteer/Salesian Lay Missioners) showed us around his compound.  He is working there as an agricultural buff and one of their main famers of the land.  It is a really impressive place though they have many projects, plenty of produce which they harvest for their own food supply, four fish ponds (which they also use for their food intake), cows (they sell the dairy products), rabbits, chickens, banana trees, etc.  Also on this compound is a secondary school and trading schools.  It seems, at least my impression, that most of these students had been street kids and are now having the opportunity to complete school.  The trade schools are really remarkable as well there is a cooking school (3 years), construction (3 years), welding (2-3 years), and carpentry (2-3 years). 

While we were finishing up our tour we ran into one of the volunteers from Italy, who lives with 3 other Italian volunteers and we were invited over for an afternoon espresso.

After a delicious lunch and meeting some of the Salesian priests, we walked over to the Italian’s place where we enjoyed a small espresso and slice of cheesecake…sound luxurious? We were delighted…while studying abroad in Rome, Italy, I remember we had a couple of hours free after lunch because of their cultural ways of taking a siesta and preparing for the second half of the day…now that is something I’d love to reincorporate into my life J From there we drove with Kyle who was following a priest transporting 30 boys to a lake about one hour from the compound.  A special event they hold for these boys throughout the summer months is providing them with a weekend free for swimming, spending time together, and eating foods and drink they normally do not have access too such as brochettes (expensive meat), soda, etc.  The trip there and back had their own little adventures and we were grateful for the nice drive through some of the villages and great views of the city from the country roads.

That evening we went out to dinner to meet a few of Kyle’s friends…we enjoyed the good company and yummy Indian food.

The next day after lunch, Matt, Damian and I hopped on a few moto’s and rode over to the Kigali Genocide Memorial where we spent the afternoon and in our own way and we somehow took in the history of such a tragic and mind-blowing event.  I had been told from a friend of mine who had visited the Memorial before to be prepared for such a challenging undertaking…but there really is no way to prepare oneself for such an experience. 

As mentioned before the Rwandan Genocide resulted in the mass murder of an estimated 800,000 people and simply being present where over 250,000 people have been buried was enough to overwhelm the emotions my heart was feeling for these men, women, and children.  The first section of the museum was filled with the history, pictures, and videos on these large, strategically designed panels.  I learned more that day, (who some say is only a one-sided perspective of the actual events), than I had in any classroom.  The video’s throughout were of the same people who had watched their mothers be raped and stripped by a machete, their fathers beaten and shot in the head, their husbands taken off and never seen again, their sisters and brothers being hassled and killed...their stories continued throughout the display; a couple of them even knew the men who killed their family members….these men who came to destroy their families had once been long time neighbors or even very close friends of the family. 

As I was deeply moved by the first few rooms, I then passed on to the next section.  This room was set up with about six or seven stages with a stool to sit on if wanted.  These stages had pictures from floor to ceiling of the men, women, and children who were heartlessly killed…their family members were asked to bring them to the Memorial so that they could be respected and honored by all those who came to visit the Center.  There I was surrounded by faces, smiles, laughter, of the people who were once alive.  I couldn’t help but close my eyes and try to envision the circumstances of the pictures being taken…birthday parties, graduations, weddings, picnics, random photos of a cheerful day…and suddenly their lives went from joy and happiness to an overwhelming sense of fear and disdain.  They were no longer men, women, and children, they were corpses.  These people, human beings, were beyond inhumanely murdered…they were hunted down like animals.

 In the background a video of the same men and women of the ongoing video of the first section was playing, in this room however, they were describing in detail what they saw and how they felt watching their loved ones be killed or taken away…my heart, my body, and  my soul was divested…I could barely stand, hardly catch my breath…speechless…and really what else is there to say…I was lost in confusion of why this was allowed to happen, how could people just turn away when they heard of the what was going on here...this was not the right time to turn the other cheek…these people needed to be rescued and although there were some stories of successful hide outs for some people, many did not escape the wrath of death. 

After that, I moved on to a room full of skulls…cases and cases of skulls and bones; SKULLS and BONES…of these men, women, and children who were hunted.  Of all the skulls I saw, there were very few that did not either have bullet holes, teeth missing, or cracks from being crushed.  To be honest, I used to cringe at the thought of looking at a skulls and bones, but on that day, it was hard to pull myself away…because just before I had seen their faces and their smiles in those pictures, and then I was seeing and surrounded by their skeletons.  One of the last exhibits was dedicated to children with their age, favorite food, best friend, and how they were murdered.  Children…2,5,7,10, all ages, a lost generation who’s favorite food was cake and their best friend was their brother or mother...stripped by machetes, shot in the head, or strangled.  After walking out of the building, I entered the rose garden where the 250,000+ people have been buried…again, I could barely walk.

I cannot help but think about the screams that were heard and ignored, the flesh that was stripped from those begging for the lives, the children who were never given the chance to grow up, the lives that were tortured and brutally taken,  the souls of those who committed beyond what I could try and describe as evil acts,  and the lifeless bodies left to be eaten by the dogs…however, it is important to try and keep faith, that in times like these, the mass murder of 800,000 people, that we must pray for our enemies, for those who persecute us, and for those who hate us.  Please, find some time to offer a prayer, or some small reflection for the men, women, and children who suffered such anguish…and though it may be beyond challenging, for those who committed such heinous acts of evil as well.

After a few hours Matt, Damian, and I reunited and we just sat in silence…took a few moments and left.  We left the history of those who were once alive and went on to add on to our own personal histories. 

The next couple of days were filled with laughter, good times, and delicious food (I had pizza for the first time in 3.5 months!!).  I watched my good friend Matt finish the 26mi International Peace Marathon in record time…I watched Rafiki’s head be cut off (the largest bull I have ever seen)…I rode around the compound with Kyle on his tractor (who has offered me a few really great idea’s regarding Lazarus Community)…all the while trying to embrace and take in as much of the Kigali air and environment as I could.  Then the time came to board the bus on Monday late afternoon and head back to Uganda.  The trip was fast, and here I sit in Kampala preparing myself to head back to Wairaka.  The week of travels has provided another beautiful vision of East Africa, idea’s regarding my own mission and project, new friendships, independence, perspective, interest in further researching the history of the Genocide, respect for all human life, questions yet inspiration regarding my future, and life-long memories. 

I am beyond grateful for this wonderful trip.  I realize more and more that with each day here in Africa I am truly blessed to be living the life that I have imagined for myself.  I always knew I wanted to live some of my life in Africa and here I am, living…I always knew I wanted to visit Rwanda, to gain an understanding, and embrace my own struggle with understanding its history and I have been able to somehow approach this during my visit…and I would not have been able to achieve these goals without all of you and your support!

The time has come to get back to the grind and delve even deeper into my work to try in the best way possible to provide ways to benefit the lives of the Lazarus Community members.  This experience has further influenced me to see the endless potential that could come from helping develop Lazarus Community.

I want to thank you all for being a part of my journey and taking the time to read my thoughts…you all are with me in spirit and I am with you….

Much Love,

Anne Therese

Attached are a couple of sites you may be interested in visiting regarding the Genocide

http://www.rwanda-genocide.org/index.html

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/evil/

first glimpse of Rwanda

inspiration

Matt crossing the finish line

Sack gardens I hope to instill at LC

Kyle on a moto rideRight before the kill

Tribute

There are several of these grave sites

My travel buddy Matt

My new friend and our host Kyle

My new love: Kigali

Unity

This past week has involved a few exciting stepping stones for Lazarus Community.  These stepping stones in which we have embarked upon have helped us feel more established, empowered, and recognizable as a Community.  Earlier this week, Henry, James and I set up a bank account here in Uganda at the Bank of Africa and we could not have been more proud of ourselves.  We are hoping that in due time this bank account will flourish with funding to help stabilize our mission and truly uplift the standard of living for our members.  Henry and James said, “Because you have come Tereza things are moving…we now have a bank account in our name, something that would never had happened if you had not joined us here.”  Ah, the simple things in life; opening a bank account.

The other major step was yesterday at our “crafts Wednesday” we celebrated Lazarus Community’s three year anniversary.  When Lazarus Community was founded in 2008, there were only ten members (in the Wairasa District where we meet weekly in the village of Ntinkalu), now there are sixty-two.  There are a few of the original members still among us today, others have died or have left for various reasons but the group that I sat before yesterday was strong, proud, and confident.  We asked for some of the women to share what they have learned from Lazarus Community and what good things have come to them since becoming involved in the organization.  As you all know more than 90% of these women are widows, and before joining this community they were alone, bitter, and depressed.  They had no one to turn to if they fell sick, they had no one to converse with, and they had no one to rely on.  Now, these women have each other, and they have us (the founders); they have a commitment to one another to work hard to not only improve their own lives, but the lives of their friends.  These women support one another.

Hearing these words, seeing the tears of joy, and the gestures in their movements, I realized that when this organization was forming, I was somehow already in the plan to be present three years later.  I could not have felt more flattered for all the praises and thanks for my presence…”and now we have a friend of a different color…” When it was my turn to stand and speak in front them, the room fell quiet as I started off my comments with, “Praise God; today we celebrate your three years of being an established community…” (cheers and clapping), “and tomorrow, I celebrate my 3 months of being with you…” (cheers and clapping)…and so it went on…and to be honest, as I stood there and spoke to the members who I now call friends, not merely faces in a crowd of women, I felt at home.  Feelings of peace, comfort, and excitement flowed through my veins as if something/someone was telling me that I am exactly where I am meant to be…a founder of Lazarus Community.

As I have mentioned before, it’s as if they were just waiting for me…they knew that one day I would join them…but do not fret, they continue to ask about all of you…they ask when more visitors will come, when my family and friends will come to visit them…and I say to them, “when there is Will, there is a Way…one day…” And so the day carried on with good food, laughter, speeches, and dancing, ah, the dancing.  These women sing, clap, and dance.  The room was filled with so much happiness…it was filled with the abundance of life.   

The party came to a close with prayer, hugs, and handshakes…and as the bliss of celebration was still present the reality of what it truly means to be a community came into play.  The council members hopped on to the back of Henry’s truck as the founders and other visitors piled into two cars.  We drove, just for a few moments and the mood changed dramatically.  First, we all entered a very small home, lit only by candle light and doomed with grief.  We were visiting one of our members whose husband is still living, or at least struggling to live.  A few weeks ago, he fell ill and it was thought to be his liver, when just recently they discovered it was an advanced case of HIV/AIDS…as he laid there he tried to roll over to greet Henry and James and he could barely speak; we remained only for a few minutes, prayed for his comfort and for his soul and we left them there.

 Again, we piled into the cars and drove up through the village to another home.  This place I remember visiting; this family I remember seeing; this member I remember crying for…just three months ago Henry, James, and I were walking through the village visiting each home.  This day I remember vividly; it was just Henry and I and we walked to this home where many children were all around and this man could barely speak, was losing his eye sight, losing control his joints; the look in his eyes, it stings me even now as I recall this visit.  I couldn’t help myself from glancing towards my members direction, she was sitting there, knowing that soon she would be left alone to care for her children, that her husband was going to pass away and there was nothing that could be done to prevent this from happening.  I left there completely choked up, unable to grasp my breath. I felt and knew that I was helpless, and here we were back again.

We entered the home, again lit only by candlelight, filled with a very distinct smell…he was motionless, he had shrunk since I had seen him three months ago, and he was unconscious.  As I sat there among the members my mind was racing, my heart was grieving, and I felt as if the inevitable was tangible; his days, his hours, his life is limited.

United as a community…the council members wanted us to visit these women and their dying husbands, because it is what they have become, they’ve become a family of their own…these women who are elderly, young, widows, caretakers these women are now joined together because of Lazarus Community.  They not only have each other and the founders, but they also have all of you to continue to pray and support them.  These two men are leaving behind their children, grandchildren, and their wives…their wives who will struggle even more than before to survive and to provide means for their children/grandchildren.

…And this what I am here for…to see, to experience, to realize that these are not just stories I hear or read about, they are happening right in front me…Going from such a happy and wonderful celebration to being in the presence of death not just once but twice in an evening…I was only having a very small taste of the reality of the lives these women lead.   

I mentioned earlier that today I am celebrating my three month mark of being here in Uganda, hardly seems possible.  My time here has been a whirlwind capturing so many different experiences thus far that I can only imagine what the next three, six, nine, etc., months will bring…what I do know however, is how grateful I am to be here, through the celebrations and the grief…I am here, I am present, and I am learning.  Life, ah, life is what we make of it, yes of course it is, but life is all the more better when we do it together…UNITY.

Much love for you all,

Anne Therese

We were able to sit in one of the classrooms at the David and Mary Young Ntinkalu Primary School because the students are enjoying their "Holiday Break"

We are in the World

Crafts Wednesday

Typically, it seems that a Crafts Wednesday consists of the women sitting in the shade on their matts learning different ways of creating bracelets, necklaces, earrings, table matts, etc., but yesterday was different.  Henry, James, three visitors, and I arrived and the women immediately began filing into one of the small classrooms on the property where we hold our gatherings.  The women greeted us with smiles, hugs, and song; embraced by love.

The Chairperson began welcoming us and soon after she began addressing several different topics of concern and interest among herself and the members. First, we clapped and cheered because Lazarus Community, in its own way, has been established now for 3 years and we are planning on having a celebration next Wednesday; you are all welcome to join (ah, wouldn’t that be amazing if you could just zip on over to Uganda)!! After this discussion we moved on to which seeds we should purchase to harvest for their tiny garden of less .5 of an acre and they decided on maize (corn) and beans, which work really well in this type of soil.

The third topic was that of savings.  The Chairperson and the other members of the council had sat until very late last Wednesday going through each member’s savings book to go through the reports on who has been contributing to their savings and who has been lacking.  Henry went through each booklet, called out each name, and the discussion was that some women, who are receiving some small treatment from St. Francis every other month, are also among those who are not participating in the savings.  I found this process, first of the council to go through each savings booklet, and then for Henry to go through each name, to be vital to their understanding of the importance of saving some small money.  They ask for a mere 500 schillings once a week or even once a month; 500 schillings is around $0.25. The women all agreed to start bringing their small contributions to the Community savings in hopes to establish resourceful means if needed.

The women then started talking about how they would like to learn English because they want to be able to communicate with me and my “visitors” (meaning all of you) when they come.  The women yearn to be able to communicate with me directly and wish to have a tutor come three or four times a week after their days work to teach them the alphabet, common words and greetings, etc.  One of the visitors that came with Henry, James and I told me that the women long to hold a conversation with me without a translator; their desire is heart-felt.

                *When I say “visitors,” the entire Lazarus Community pray for more of my friends to come to Uganda to see where they live, how they live, and to meet them personally.*

James then stood and addressed the women saying that I have been very busy working towards trying to find ways to support our mission…he then said, “You are on her heart…” and this is so true. I may have written about this before, but I need to stress that these women are REAL.  As I sit day after day doing research, writing proposals, interviewing etc., it is sometimes easy for me to get wrapped up in the wording, the editing, the preciseness of my work (which is not a bad thing), but I tend to forget their faces, their eyes, their smiles, their hands, their bare feet as I work.  These women are not just words on paper, they are not just a project proposal, they EXIST, they are here, and they are working hard to try and better their lives. 

I was able to interview/talk with Margaret who is somehow a member, but more along the lines of a companion to the founders of Lazarus Community, she is also the Head School Mistress of the primary school where we meet each week.  Her words touched me a in a way in which I was not prepared for; she talked about the purpose-driven life, that God has put a Spirit in each of us, that we have a certain purpose.  What she is learning from the Lazarus Community is that there are some things that God wants us to do and we miss them if our eyes and our heart are not open to seeing or hearing them.  She said that as Uganda seems to be a peaceful country for the time being, there are still people who need to be touched in certain ways, that are being challenged in ways that many people overlook their needs, and that having this Community for these women to belong to has given them a reason to live and strive on.

She shared with me how she became involved in Lazarus Community and her views on which ways to try and reach the immediate needs of the group.  She said, “You can rise and see that these women are needy and impoverished.  That you could turn in circle and see that there are many different issues that need to be addressed; but what is important is addressing the most essential needs first.”  In her opinion the land in which we are working towards purchasing, harvesting, and marketing is a step, but what we also need to keep in mind is that it will take time to see our profits blossoming…what about now she asked me.  She is concerned more about the children and grandchildren of these women, and that sometimes life ends too quickly, and then what. 

I realized that while in the grass, under the shade from a strong tree, that I have much work to do.  It was overwhelming to hear her words and then again it was reassuring that she believes with all her heart that I am here for a purpose. She said that when she heard I was coming she knew that I would help lead Lazarus Community in a new direction, and with your help dear family and friends, I believe we can do this together.  After being in Uganda for nearly 12 weeks I was discouraged at times thinking, “how did I ever think that I could help change the world…” and there I sat with Margaret who was addressing all of these different topics and issues and I realized that we are helping to change the lives of these women, which will eventually help change the world even if it is one acre at a time, one child at a time, one craft sell at a time; we are all making a difference.

The needs are endless, the challenges to be worked through are countless, the days at times seem to be too short, but all in all with the help of your prayers and support we can make a difference, we WILL make a difference. At the end of the meeting, one of the women closed with a prayer and through her Lusoga I heard my name, “Tereza” I asked Henry what she has said…and he told me that she was continuing to pray for my health, for my hard work, and grateful that God has brought us all together.

The power of a human being: we are in the world to help change the world.  

These women are REAL